


Don't let go

by EllieAird



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I am Supercorp Trash, Kara Doesn't Know Lena Knows Her Secret, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Protective Kara Danvers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 00:12:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16691644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieAird/pseuds/EllieAird
Summary: Her best friend was the strongest woman she knew, but seeing her this broken made Kara feel like she's the one that's hurting. It wasn't bad enough that James had everything Kara ever wanted, she still couldn't understand how someone would dismiss the opportunity of loving and being loved by Lena Luthor.





	Don't let go

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language and I like to write before sleeping, so all mistakes are mine. Sorry! New Supergirl episode, new reasons to write about these two.

After everything had been cleared out, Kara was relieved. It was certainly not the Thanksgiving she had been expecting but, at least, they were making progress about the Children of Liberty and their leader. She turned to Alex and watched her sister’s tired face.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Alex”

Alex scoffed and smiled in amusement

“Yeah, we outdo ourselves every year. I would offer to go back to your place and help you clean, but considering you have super speed… I will treat myself with a beer and build my patience to survive living with mom this week”

“I keep saying I won’t be surprised by your excuses when you want to drink, but you still amaze me. Congrats!”

“Whatever. Have fun, kiddo.”

She barely saw the motorcycle leave before she started flying to her place.

-

She decided to land on the roof and quickly change when she remembered that Nia had stayed in her apartment when the group left. As much as she liked Catco’s new reporter, it wasn’t the right moment to reveal herself.

She opened the door and immediately saw the mess. As soon as she was getting ready  to clean up, a sob got her attention. Nia wasn’t there but her best friend was.

Kara remembered Lena’s teary eyes when she was arguing with Supergirl, she had seen her sad multiple times but never, in her years of friendship, Kara had seen her crying.

“Lena?”

The brunette looked up from the couch and met Kara’s eyes. She seemed frightened, was shaking a little bit and her usual bright emerald eyes had turned foggy and red. That was the proof of the hours that had gone by while she was crying nonstop.

“K-Kara?”

She straightened up a little bit while trying to compose herself but her quivering lip was betraying her. Kara felt her heart breaking with the sight in front of her and quickly went to embrace the woman before she started crying again.

“Oh, Lena.”

Lena hugged her like her life depended on it and let it all out without any trace of shame. Kara returned the tight hug while stroking Lena’s hair. The Luthor was raw. Feelings were thrown everywhere with every tear but Lena knew that Kara would catch them all; that’s who Kara had always been. That’s what Kara had always done.

“Darling, what’s wrong? Tell me please, Lee. What happened?”

“Just- just hold me. Hold me. Don’t let go”

That’s everything the young Danvers needed to hear before she returned the hug.

“I won’t let go unless you ask me to. I’m here for you, remember? Always.”

Lena continued to hug her as tightly as she could. She felt safe for a minute after all those hours she hadn’t dare to move from the couch and felt like she was falling down. Why does everything had to be so complicated? Why couldn’t her relationship with James be as easy as hers with Kara? 

“Can you tell me what happened? Pretty please.”

Kara looked at Lena with curiosity and with all the love she could show with her eyes. She knew Lena was hurting, but she felt like it was her that had been hurt. Lena always seemed so strong that looking at her this broken was making Kara feel horribly wrong. She heard quiet mumbling but she was so focused on her own thoughts that she missed what Lena had said.

“What?”

“I said he broke up with me, Kara.  James doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Kara could only think 2 things. Who would be stupid enough to break up with Lena Luthor? And what on earth had James done that made Lena feel this way? Kara was getting mad. Not only because whatever he had done had broken Lena like this, but also because she couldn’t believe that the man that had everything she ever wanted was disregarding it like this.

“Lee, I know it’s hard. A breakup is always something that makes us feel bad. It happened to me with Mon-El, but if I learned something is that you don’t win anything beating yourself over it. I know it is too soon to feel good and that it is difficult to not pay attention, but your reaction is natural and you’ll get over it. Maybe it is just an obstacle and you can both work to make it better, if that’s the best.”

“It’s my fault, Kara. It has always been.”

“What do you mean?”

“I kept belittling him and didn’t let him handle his own problems. I should have listened.”

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about, but whatever it is… it doesn’t sound like you”

“I talked to the D.A. I traded information for her to drop the indictment. He thought he had it handled, but he didn’t, Kara. He was going to prison. But I should have…”- Lena sighed and took a deep breath- “I should have told him. After that I scheduled a TV appearance for him and didn’t ask him if he wanted to do it. He’s my boyfriend, I should have asked.”

Kara started caressing her back

“I cannot say I agree with the decision you took, but I do understand your motives. And he should understand as well, we don’t know how far we would go for our loved ones until we’re in a certain situation. You can put yourself in the line for those you love and make decisions that are hard in order to protect and that’s brave, Lena.

 Maybe you’re right that you could have given him a heads up about the interview, but, as your partner, he should have also done the same regarding his plans. No?”

“I guess, but still… it is my fault. I don’t deserve him. As a Luthor I should be grateful that someone like him ever dared to look at me like a potential girlfriend but I keep ruining things up and he made it clear, he-“

“Wait. What was that?”

“That I keep ruining things-“

“No. Before that.”

“That I should be grateful that someone like him likes me”

“What are you talking about? Who’s him? James Olsen is a man just like any other. You don’t owe him anything. You don’t need to win anything. You deserve everything, Lena. If anyone deserves the world, that’s you. Anyone would be lucky to receive all the love you have to give and you have no idea of how many people would give everything to be in his place and have the opportunity to love you that way.”

Kara felt the weight of those words deeply. She would be one of them. She hated that Lena felt undeserving of love and she hated that James would make her feel like that when, especially when he was lucky enough to sleep next to Lena and wake up by her side. To be lucky enough to hug her… to _kiss her._

“How can someone love me if I don’t know how to love? I only hurt people and deceive them. I told him I loved him for the first time and that’s why I did what I did, Kara, but he said that my idea of love is wrong and he doesn’t want to be part of that. He left me.”

“You said you loved him for the first time and he did that?”

“Yeah. But I understand him. I should apologize. I understand that growing up I didn’t learn what love was and Lillian’s idea of love was really twisted and sick. I need to learn, he could teach me… how to be a better girlfriend. I ruined my relationship with Jack because I put little effort in it and he was a great man. Now I think I overwhelmed James and-”

“Stop. Just stop.”

Lena stopped her rambling and gasped quietly, looking at the floor.

“Now I’m bothering you.”

Kara saw another tear hit the floor before Lena started crying again. She held Lena in her arms one more time whispering reassuring words in her ears.

“No, no. It’s not like that, Lee. I meant that you need to stop feeling guilty for things you shouldn’t feel guilty, and- “

The blonde stopped stroking her hair when she heard a quiet snore.

“Lena?”

Lena had fallen asleep in her arms, probably tired of crying. Kara couldn’t do anything but smile while she stared at her sleeping face. She truly was mesmerizing, especially as vulnerable as she looked right now. Kara took her to her bed and laid her down before kissing her forehead softly.

“I love you, Lena Luthor”

She wrote her a note, in case she woke up, and left her apartment.

-

Supergirl flew as fast as she could to James’s apartment and in a matter of seconds she knocked on the door.

“Kara? What are you doing here?”

“I am here to talk to you.”

James let her come in and served two glasses of Scotch. He offered one but Kara politely rejected it. James gave her a knowing look.

“It’s Lena, huh?”

“Yes.”

“I should have known that she would tell you. Again, she doesn’t know when to keep it to herself.”

“Don’t you dare, James. Don’t even go there.”

“If you’re here to explain how she’s so good and she was right and that I should go back to her, save it. I won’t do it.”

“What makes you think that I would want to see your face near her again as a boyfriend?”

“Wait. So what? Now it’s my fault?”- James smiled incredulously- “She lied to me.”

 “To protect you.”

“That’s not an excuse.”

 “She wanted to force me to do something that I didn’t want to do.”

“She’s your boss.”

“She knows that that would affect my reputation as Guardian.”

Kara clenched her fists and started seeing red. She really thought that James would have more common sense than that.

“Oh really? So she needs to think for both of you and you only think of yourself, is that it? You didn’t stop to think that James Olsen is an employee of Catco, a company owned by Lena Luthor and that on top of that you’re in a public relationship with her so everything you do affects her directly. You couldn’t think how you meeting the Children of Liberty would affect her reputation. You demand all these things from her but apparently you have a free pass to do whatever the hell you want.”

“Well, you know what, Kara? That’s actually none of your business. She shouldn’t have involved you in our relationship”

“Yet you were the one that went to me to complain about my best friend. Expecting that I would choose sides and support you, and what? Trash talk about her with you? You don’t care if you drag Lena and all the years she has spent redeeming herself to the world, as long as your terrorist friends think nice things of you.”

“I do care about her.”

“You’re such a liar. You don’t care about her and you have never had and I was so wrong and feel so bad that I ever told her that she would be good with you. All those ‘Kara back off from Lena, she’s evil’ or your freaking jealousy of me having faith in her and not in Guardian. You made Lena think she’s the problem when all this time it has been you and your ego.”

“That girl knows nothing about relationships.”

“That girl has a name and maybe it is true but you knew that from the beginning. You knew who she was, you knew where she came from and you made her believe you understood. I even told you that she could be forceful out of protection. She just needs someone that guides her while she tries to cope with her feelings.”

“Just leave me alone. You know nothing and I will talk to her. She has no right talk about our problems like that.”

“So you’ll throw me under the bus again and accuse me of talking to you? And after backstabbing me, you will go and make her feel miserable again over the fact that she looked for someone that would hear everything you, as her boyfriend, were supposed to be hearing.”

“Well, why don’t you go and date her, Kara? If you care so much, go and take her. Oh right, you can’t. Because while you accuse me of acting wrongly, you forget you have kept your entire life from Lena”

“You’re an asshole.”

“I might be a douchebag. But I’m not dishonest.”

“I rather be a liar than a prick. Everything I do, I do it to protect her. I would gladly die if it means she will be safe and I will keep defending her every single day of my life. I’m taking the complicated path, the one I know might blow up in my face someday just because I know that it is the safest one for her. That’s what love is.”

Kara inhaled before she continued. She wanted to make sure James heard everything she had to say.

“ You talk big words. ‘If that’s what you think love is…’  Really? What do you know about love? About understanding that your so ‘loved one’ comes from a family that the only thing that did was abuse her her entire life? She wakes up and fights people’s perceptions of her. She wakes up and tries with her heart to be the best version of herself. She has never ever been so invested in making a relationship work and when she finally opens up to you and tells you she loves you, you go and throw all her years of insecurity at her face?”

“She needs to learn.”

“Then you could have taught her. But you never took the time to truly know her, understand her or help her. You never cared about anything than having a powerful woman by your side. You don’t deserve her, you never did.”

“Then you don’t deserve her either, Kara.”

“I know. But, unlike you, I’ll keep trying until I do”.

“It is never going to happen, you know? You and her. She loves you, but not the way you love her. I thought it would be nice to prevent you from disappointment.”

“If you think it can never happen, why bother mentioning it? I’m not in a pursuit of anything. I don’t need anything else than what she’s willing to give me. And if you think that love is demanding and expecting people to do as you please, then you’re the one that knows nothing.”

Kara couldn’t explain her emotions the moment she closed the door. She felt lighter after pouring her heart out like that. James was her friend and she truly believed that he would realize his mistakes hopefully sooner than later, but Lena had proven herself worthy of Kara standing up for her over and over again.

She thought about James’s words. Kara thought that a relationship with Lena couldn’t exist as long as she was keeping her life a secret. She acted tough because she wanted to defend her best friend with everything she had, but she too was scared of disappointment. Kara knew Lena loved her, but did she actually love her like she wanted or was it the kind of love Alex feels for her?

Kara blocked those thoughts. She needed to fix various things, but whatever happened, Kara would be content just knowing that Lena was safe and happy. Even if it didn’t include her.

\--

Lena woke up with a dim light keeping her company in a bed that wasn’t hers. She saw the nightstand and the piece of paper waiting to be read.

“ _Hey, lovely. You fell asleep and, as the gentlewoman I am, I put you to bed._

_I won’t be long. There’s nothing that donuts cannot fix._

_Kara x”_

All the memories of the horrendous last hours filled her mind again but she didn’t have more tears. She felt empty.

It seemed that everything she ever did failed somehow. Anytime she made an invention, someone stole it for evil. Anytime she made a public appearance, someone attacked her out of hate. And everytime she opened up her heart, someone reminded her how Luthors were unworthy of love.

She had a strong headache. If she ever had another relationship she now knew she couldn’t give too much. She needed to control herself. No one would be able to handle her with all her flaws, no one had ever had. Well, no one except from Kara.

She read the note once again and faintly smiled. James had told her she knew nothing about love, but if love meant being willing to give up her life for someone else… then she was sure that she loved Kara with all her soul.

If only James was a little bit like Kara. She would be able to have someone that cared for her but actually liked her back. But he wasn’t Kara and if Superman’s best friend hadn’t been able to embrace her fully as a girlfriend, then what were the possibilities of Supergirl herself loving every single part of her?

Although she had had issues with her alter persona, Kara was always looking after her. Even when Supergirl and her were in bad terms, the girl of steel had always appeared when she most needed her and Lena returned her gratefulness with building a suit that would protect her from the only substance that could hurt her. Kara was her best friend and Lena had no doubts about it. She knew that Kara cared but it would be delusional to think that Kara could ever love her the way she wanted to be loved.

She had grown to learn what her place in the world was. And even though she wanted to break free, she swore to herself she would stay where she was supposed to be.

-

Kara saw the dishevelled hair peeking outside her covers and those big green eyes she adored glued to the piece of paper she had left.

“Hey sleepy head, I’m back! With donuts as promised”

“Just get over here now”

“On it, boss.”

As soon as Kara sat down, Lena hugged her again as tightly as she could. She knew that it wouldn’t hurt her, so she wouldn’t miss the chance of showering Kara with her affection. Kara took Lena’s face in her hands while searching for any trace of tears to find out if she had cried again, then she looked into her eyes and smiled.

“You’re a good hugger, has anyone told you that?”

Lena chuckled and blushed while escaping her hands.

“And you’re a dork. Has anyone told you that?”

Kara looked away and started playing with her hands. She had a frown and was suddenly serious. Lena got nervous, had she said something wrong?

“Remember when we were at L-Corp and Mercy attacked?”

Lena went back to the memory of the day she saw Supergirl enter the same door Kara had exited through. When she finally confirmed her best friend’s identity.

“Yes.”

“You took me by the hand throughout the building. You never left my side.”

“I know”

“Why?”

“Mercy was dangerous. I didn’t want anything wrong to happen to you. She was looking after me, not you. If anything happened to you because of that, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“So, if you put me behind you to protect me from Mercy even though you knew she had all the intentions to kill you. How can you believe you’re not capable of loving? You risked your life to protect mine.”

Lena opened her mouth and closed it again. She wanted to say something, she just didn’t know what.

 “You were broken when the children were poisoned. Supergirl told me how you chose to save the chemicals even if it meant dying. How can you ever think that you cannot love, Lena?”

“I just-“

“No. You just nothing. I refuse to listen to you talking about yourself like that ever again. Even if some people can’t understand you, even if some people doubt you, you can never doubt yourself. Ever.”

“It’s hard.”

“It can be. We’re all very critical of ourselves most of the time and you have so much on your back that I’m sure things can be unbearable sometimes. However, you have proven the world and yourself so much that no one should ever break down your self-esteem like that again.

Most people wouldn’t even allow themselves to get hurt even if it meant helping someone else. Yet you have sacrificed so much in order to save others. That’s how pure your love is. And whoever…”- Kara swallowed and forced herself to continue- “Whoever gets to experience being loved by you completely will be the luckiest person alive.”

Lena laid down again and signalled Kara to lay next to her. When she did, Lena wasted no time putting her head right on top of Kara’s heart while the blonde embraced her and caressed her hair for the second time that day. Lena yawned and focused on Kara’s heartbeat, slightly faster than human hearts.

Perhaps that was the thing. No human could ever love her completely, nor could ever understand her… but an alien? Maybe an alien heart was strong enough to love her despite her flaws.

She felt like home. She felt like that was the place she was supposed to be in and a tear escaped her, landing in Kara’s shirt. Lena was already falling asleep, too cozy and warm to move when she swiftly spoke after long minutes of silence.

“Everything would be easier if it were you.  I wish it could have been you”- Kara glanced quickly towards the woman and watched her closed eyes- “I love you, Kara.”

Her mind kept overplaying what she had heard and when she had gathered courage to speak, she heard the quiet snore that indicated that Lena was asleep. Kara smiled because of the timing. Her quick power naps in-between paperwork had given Lena the talent of falling asleep in seconds.

She tucked some hair behind her ear and stared at her. She looked as beautiful as always but she had a more peaceful look than before. Still, Kara couldn’t believe how Lena, being a human, could be so perfect. How Lena had just basically confessed what she had always wanted to hear.

She thought about her secret and about all the things she had to do right in order to be truly worthy of Lena Luthor’s love and decided she would do everything in her power to do so. Kara couldn’t help pressing her lips on top of Lena’s head.

There was still a long road ahead of them, but having her like this gave her all the certainty she needed to have. She understood all the promises she once had made and all the times she had stood up for her best friend. Kara Zor-El loved Lena Luthor and she would gladly spend her entire life repairing her heart until she was able to love herself.  

 

 

 


End file.
